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| Okay, so I'm not trying to be big headed or anything
here, but I am really a social nexus of some sort. I mean, I know a
decent amount of people and talk to a lot of them on a regualar basis,
and the others I talk to on an occasional basis. I also bring a lot of
people together. (i.e. people who didn't know each other are now
friends/aquaintances because of me). A good example of this is my good
buddies of Highland and their friends and my girlfriend. I introduced
them to Trina, and they're good friends now. You're probably asking
yourself by now "Well Lee, why are you mad? That's great that you
introduce people and know a lot of people, please shut the fuck up
now." 1. Fuck you. 2. Fuck you. 3. Not so much. See, they call her more
than they call me now.
That situation doesn't bother me as much as it used
to, I was just using it as an example. It happens a lot though. I
introduce people and then they call each other more than they call me.
I don't really get it. Along with that, no one really calls me a lot. I
don't really do anything anymore. Not that I ever did but...oh well. I
mainly wake up, play halo, go to work, come home and sleep. Then
repeat. My life is so dull and I don't know why.
Fin.
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| Man dude, my life is going NOWHERE I want it to. It's too hott/i'm too tired to type anything.
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| What a bad bad day. Worked from 3:30 until midnight.
Had A LOT of time to think about how much I hate everything. I'm too
tired and worn out to even do this right now though. More later...maybe.
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| So yeah I think this past week has been a success
overall. I've learned a lot, about a lot. I work 6 out of 7 days this
week, and got 40 hours. Work, suuuucked ass, but it was (like
everything else I will mention) a good teaching experience. I've
learned a lot about people, and uh...anger I guess you could say. My
job isn't the best in the world, actually it's fucking terrible. I've
noticed that 90% of my co-workers feel the same way as I do, and all
they ever do is bitch bitch bitch, then at the end of the night--more
bitching. I think I've gotten past that, and I just kind of laugh at my
work problems now.
Example 1:
Myself: "Can I help you find anything today sir?"
Customer: *Sneering look and voice* "No, you can stand there and watch
me look at these display cases." *Shakes head disapprovingly.
Myself: *Walks away laughing...very loudly.*
Example 2:
Myself: *Facing some shelves.* (To customer) "Can I help you find anything?"
Woman: "No I'm okay." *Fucks my shelves all up.*
Myself: *Laughing, clearly at her.* "Ahem, are you sure I can't help you find anything?"
Woman: "No, I'm doing fine."
Myself: *Laughing directly at her and mumbling very loudly about how fucking stupid she is."
I tend to try and piss people off while I'm at work
as well. They come in, fuck my shit all up, then ask me dumb ass
questions about where shit is...when it's right under their noses. That
was a pretty pointless story, but the point is that I don't feel the
need to get upset anymore. Laughing about your problems is much more
systematic and fun.
Secondly on the list of good things this week comes
Sam's death. Don't get me wrong, I'm still really really broken up
about it, but I havn't really had that much time to ponder over it.
There have been much more important matters to attend to. I've been
hanging out with Zach a lot. I know he's got it rough--the accident,
and Sam on top of that. So I've just been kinda trying to hang out with
him a lot, and keep his mind off things--and it's worked enormously. He
let me know that I've been a huge help this past week and a half, and
that made me feel pretty good. It's a good feeling to put yourself
before others, and it's also got me to stop thinking so selfishly.
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| Sam Macke
Born: August 10, 1988
Left this Life: July 16, 2006
July 16 is
a day I will never forget for as long as I live. I've experienced
death before--when I was younger, or it's always been people that I
know vaguely through other people such as friends or distant family
members. When someone you have regularly hung out with or seen departs
from this world it hits you pretty hard...very hard actually. You
don't really think about someone leaving you until they are actually
gone. Which is true with most things, but mainly people. Off
topic for a minute I just want to say that it's really unfair for Sam
to have gone. Really unfair. The kid did nothing wrong that I
know of anyway. Every time I saw him he always had something good to
say, or was trying to make me laugh. As far as I know he was so nice
and positive and outgoing to anyone--all different walks of life. Why
did he have to go? And just because someone was driving drunk. These
are the questions that you pose to God at night in your bed. Just why.
Anyway, back on topic of people leaving. I was
at the showing today at Urbanski...and I cried. They had a lot of
pictures of Sam up. They had his casket with a few pictures, and one of
his very old hats. His snake "Lola" was there as well. There was also
one more thing, a movie (more like a video collage) of pictures of
Sam--some very recent, even as recent as the night before the accident.
I watched the whole video two times through. I tried holding back as
much as I could, but it let out finally. All I could keep asking myself
is why. And it also hit me that he's really--really--gone. I hadn't
seen him for long before I left for school first year, and almost two
years later he is dead, and I can never hear his voice again, he will
never make me laugh again, and I will never get to kick his ass at
halo...ever. This all running through my head I could do nothing
but cry. It's just terrible, I don't really have any more to say about
it. I don't know what to even say.
Back around the horn to me, I hung out with some old
friends today. Amongst them was my old (not to mention first serious)
girlfriend Tiffany. Some of you may remember her. It wasn't a one on
one hanging out between us, but she was there. And it was semi-awkward.
It was great to see her again, she looks good, but it just kind of made
me depressed. And I really thought the theme of the entire day is that
you really don't realize what you have until it's gone. I'm not saying
I want to get back together with her--I'm also not saying I don't so
don't take it either way--I'm just saying that I realized what it was
that I gave up. What it was that made me so happy being with her. I
also realized again what it was that made me want to break up with her
but that's beside the point.
I don't really know what more to type about. I'm
kind of depressed now. All this talk about depressing stuff has done
it's job. Plus no one is online, and there really isn't anything to do
on this friday evening. I guess I just really want everyone to get that
message. Cherish what (the people) you have. Please.
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